| Frequently Asked Questions |
Vocations
What is a vocation?
A vocation is God's invitation or calling to each individual to love and serve God and the Church in a particular state or way of life.
Is a vocation a feeling?
It’s not really a “feeling’, it’s more of a call or “knowledge” of what you are supposed to do, based on having the “right stuff” for the job. No two vocations, or calls, are the same, just as no two people are the same. The important thing is, if you think you’re being called, check it out. What have you got to lose?
Can I be happy in my life if I don't follow the vocation God invites me to embrace?
St. John tells us that God is Love and Love seeks always the happiness
and well-being of the beloved.
That means, HOWEVER you choose to follow God, His love will find a way
to bring purpose and fulfillment to your life. But, what wonders are
possible if we choose the very vocation for which God created us? How
much more God will be able to work through us! That is why it is so important
that everyone discern his or her particular vocation prayerfully and
responsibly. There is great joy in discovering your vocation. It is God's
gift to us. How we respond is our gift to Him.
What are the possible vocations through which I might be called to follow Jesus?
Most people are called to the vocation of marriage. Many, though, find they are called to serve God as an ordained priest or deacon or in consecrated religious life as a priest, sister or brother. Still others will be called to the committed single life. Remember: it is very normal to desire marriage and family. God created us that way. Experiencing that desire, however, does not exclude the possibility that you still may have a vocation to the priesthood, religious life, or single life.
Discernment
How do I know what God is calling me to be?
Pray every day, asking God to reveal the unique plan for you. There is no better place to begin to explore this call than in the silence of prayer, where one can talk to God as a child talks to a parent. Don’t ask yourself, " What do I want to do with my life?" That’s the wrong question! Rather, you should be thinking and asking: "Lord, what do You want me to be? How do You want me to love You?" And listen for the answer! Listen with your heart, not just your head.
Can't I be whatever I want?
Yes, of course you can! But, how do you know what you really want? Remember when you wanted to be a fireman, famous designer, rock star, quarterback? These “wants” changed like the weather when you were young. You hadn’t yet found what you most desired. It’s not easy to find our hearts’ desire in a world filled with choices and opportunities. However, with prayer and patience, you will experience a re-occurring and peaceful feeling that one particular path is the one that God has invited you to travel and the one that will bring you happiness. Jesus promised us this when he said, “seek and you shall find; knock and it shall be opened.”
Who should I talk to about my feelings concerning priesthood?
Many young men report a certain uneasiness in bringing this topic to friends and family. This is very understandable because the young man himself may be unsure as to what these feelings mean. It’s all very personal and difficult to explain to someone who hasn’t had the same experience. We offer the following suggestions:
- Of all the people you know, choose one whom you feel could best understand these feelings and who you know to have your best interest in mind. It’s a necessary and helpful step to confide your feelings to another person. It keeps you from being isolated, with only your own thoughts to guide you. That may be the only person you tell for awhile.
- Contact your diocesan vocation office and inquire about discernment groups.
- Get a good book on discernment.
How does a man know God is calling him to be a priest?
God leads men's steps to the seminary and to the priesthood in many different ways; however, some seem to be very common. Seminarians often describe the call in words like, "Someway, somehow the thought of being a priest entered my mind, and it didn't go away. I tried to ignore it, to avoid it, to run from it and to cover it. But in those quiet moments of truth, when I was honest and unselfish, the thought always came back." Another common description of those who apply for the seminary is, "When I got to know the seminarians, I felt at home." or "When I visited the seminary for a weekend, it seemed like that was where I was supposed to be."
Very often, other people see the possibility of a vocation to the priesthood in a person and encourage him to think about it. God speaks through the people. In many cases, a man may have been deeply influenced and invited by another priest. Lastly, in every single case, the man has been given a deep love for the Eucharist, for the Mass and for the Church. Perhaps, he did not go to Mass for years during college, but at some point Jesus in the Eucharist and the Church became the center of his life.
What kind of men are thinking about and/or pursuing the priesthood today?
- statistics show they are more educated than ever before
- they are men of fidelity; they want to be challenged and encouraged to follow Christ with an undivided heart; their heroes are Pope John Paul II and Mother Teresa of Calcutta
- they are prayerful and have a love for the Eucharist
- they want to teach the truths of the Catholic faith
- they are caring men who have a genuine concern for others
- they understand the importance of sacrifice
- they are men in Christ, men of the Church and men for others
What does God’s will have to do with a vocation?
Everything! God has a unique and divine plan for each of us. We will be happiest in this life, if we discover that path and follow it.
Formation/Seminary Life
If I decide to enter the seminary to "give it a try" am I committed for life?
No, you are not. Most vocation directors agree that the only way to really know if you have a vocation to priesthood is to enter the seminary. During the formation years, God's will becomes more and more clear as you pray and discern with others. The years spent in formation are a benefit to you spiritually, even if you discover that you are not called to be a priest.
How long does it take to become a diocesan priest?
Generally, it takes five to six years after college or nine years after high school to become a diocesan priest; the same as for many professions.
How old do you have to be to enter seminary?
There is no certain age to start preparing for the priesthood. In the Diocese of Rochester, you must have a 4-year undergraduate degree, and complete 2 years of "pre-theology" before you may be admitted to major seminary. Some begin to study for priesthood after completing college or after working for a number of years. Talk to the Vocation Office in your diocese for details.
What is seminary like?
A seminary is a place where men prepare and study for the priesthood while they continue to discern God’s call and will in their lives. There are two types of seminaries – College Seminaries and Major Seminaries (Theologates). Both are academic institutions and so, like in any other place of higher learning, one takes classes and works toward receiving fully accredited college degrees. A college seminary focuses on undergraduate studies and in that way is very much like any other college in terms of curriculum. Usually seminarians are asked to seek an undergraduate degree in Philosophy. A Major seminary is a Graduate school and so offers Masters degrees in Theology. In addition to classes, there are times of daily prayer (such as Mass). At times things are very busy at the seminary (exam week!), but like any other college, seminarians have free time, which they may use to study, pray, exercise, play sports, read, watch TV, go to the movies, or simply hang out with their friends. There are also opportunities for pastoral and community service. Another part of seminary is formation. The Program of Priestly Formation focuses on the four areas of Human Development, Spiritual Development, Intellectual Development and Pastoral Development.
Where do candidates for priesthood in the Diocese of Rochester attend seminary?
Currently, the Diocese of Rochester sends seminarians to Theological College in Washington, D.C.; the Pontifical North American College in Rome; St. Mary of the Lake Seminary in Mundelein, Illinois and the American College in Louvain, Belgium.
Is seminary life hard?
Seminary life is no harder than college or graduate work at any other university. Seminarians have the added responsibilities of developing as men of prayer and bearers of the Good News. Friendships are encouraged with both men and women, but dating is not part of the seminarian’s life since he is preparing for celibacy, not marriage.
Do I have to agree with all church teachings to be a priest?
Church teachings vary in gravity and centrality to the faith. To be a priest, is to be a public person in the church. So, if you have serious differences with matters essential to the faith, then ordained life for you might be conflictual. However, some of the church’s greatest saints dissented on certain matters. Consult with a few people – vocation director, priests, religious, theology teachers – to ascertain what the Catholic Church actually teaches. Many times the conflicts we think we might have can be understood and overcome with greater study, reflection and dialogue.
What if I have made mistakes in my life?
Priesthood is not just for saints. Actually, the ability to regularly seek forgiveness and guidance from God is essential in one’s vocational discernment. It’s a sign of humility and trust in God’s mercy. However, it is important to be honest with yourself and those assisting you in your discernment about the major events in your life. (There are some actions that are impediments to acceptance into a seminary and ordination, for example, voluntary homicide, procuring an effective abortion or positive cooperation in either of these things. The same would be true for one who has been guilty of apostasy, heresy or schism.) Certain behavioral patterns would require a suitable period of probation to demonstrate that one could successfully live a sober and celibate life, for example, recent occurrences of alcohol or drug abuse or addictive sexual behaviors. A spiritual director is often of significant help in discerning one’s readiness for seminary life.
What if I have been married?
A previous marriage does not, by itself, make it impossible to consider a call to priesthood. In fact, in many cases, one’s previous marriage can be a significant factor contributing to a grace-filled priestly ministry.
What if I am a widower?
Generally, it is advisable to wait one or two years after the death of a spouse before entering the seminary. This provides opportunity for grieving, transition and preparing oneself to enter a new, celibate state of life.
What if I have been divorced?
In itself, a divorce is not an impediment to priesthood. If the former partner is living, an annulment must be granted before admission to the seminary. Some dioceses and religious communities will not accept divorced candidates, but, after careful examination, many others will.
Priesthood
Are most priests happy with their life?
YES! Priests are asked that question a lot these days. Almost always you will hear them say that they derive immense happiness and deep satisfaction from their work. They are invited to share in the most important moments of peoples’ lives. Sure, there are times of discouragement, frustration, and fatigue – everyone has those. But, if you ask most priests they will tell you that given the chance to do it again, they’d choose the same life. Listen to what some of the priests of the Diocese of Rochester have to say about their vocations!
What does a priest do all day?
Weekends tend to be filled with many things such as Sunday Mass, weddings, baptisms, youth ministry, etc. As for the rest of the week, it may be spent working with church groups (e.g. religious education, future planning, outreach to the poor, financial matters of the parish, etc.) or with individuals (preparing for marriage, dealing with loss, the sick, those in need of spiritual counseling, etc.). Of course it is always important to balance one’s responsibilities with prayer, leisure, and maintaining good health. Sometimes priests have one main occupation, such as teaching, parish ministry, social work, or hospital work, all of which have somewhat regular hours and predictable demands. Each has it’s own rhythm. Obviously a parish setting is different from a school or hospital setting. In some ways, it is hard to answer this question exactly because the focus of a priest’s life is to serve the needs of those God brings into his life. That requires a certain openness to the unpredictable or the unexpected. One thing for sure, it’s never boring!
Do priests get time off? If so, what do they do?
Priests have approximately the same amount of leisure time as most adults. All priests in our diocese, for instance, are given a weekly day off and vacation times throughout the year. Each person is then free to pursue his favorite leisure activity and priests enjoy the same kinds of things that other adults do - music, sports, travel, visiting friends, watching TV, or just relaxing with a good book. In the Diocese of Rochester, some of our priests do pretty interesting things outside of their ministry. We have volunteer firemen and deputy sheriffs, airplane pilots, National Guards, musicians, lawyers, gourmet cooks, authors, and on and on.
Do priests get paid?
No one becomes a priest because of the money, that’s for sure. You obviously can't put a price tag on the spiritual rewards of being a priest and dedicating one’s life to God, but diocesan priests are not expected to live in destitution either. Diocesan priests are paid a salary, as they are responsible for their own expenses (e.g. buying a car, putting gas in it, purchasing clothes, paying taxes, etc.). Obviously, priests are not concerned with earning enough for a spouse and children. This, combined with the fact that many of the basic necessities are provided (such as housing, food, insurance, etc.), means that a priest’s salary is more than adequate to pay for his expenses, yet also gives him the freedom to be able to enjoy leisure activities.
Can you retire from your work?
A retirement age applies to priests (75 years old). We can retire from active ministry, but many will get involved in part time ministry or volunteer service. We cannot retire from the priesthood. We do not retire from our love for people.
Can you be fired from your job?
If our work is incompetent, we can be removed from our assignment. In certain grave circumstances, a bishop may permanently revoke a man’s facilities to publicly function as a priest.
What’s the difference between a diocesan priest and a religious priest?
A diocesan priest serves the Church within a geographical area of the church, known as a “diocese”, and makes a promise to be obedient to the bishop of that diocese. He ordinarily serves the people as a parish priest, but he may also be involved in many other forms of ministry: teaching, Chaplain in hospitals, prison ministry, campus ministry, etc. A religious priest, on the other hand, is a member of a community that goes beyond the geographical limits of any diocese. For the diocesan priest, the people of his parish become his primary “faith community.” For a religious priest, the other members of his order constitute the primary community in which he lives and worships. The vows and promises also differ.
What vows do diocesan priests make?
Technically, diocesan priests do not make “vows.” At ordination, they make life-long promises of celibacy and obedience to their bishop. They also commit themselves to regular prayer and to a lifestyle that is appropriate to their calling.
Isn’t celibacy hard?
Most people don’t really understand what the promise of celibacy is. They understand it in a negative sense as being unable to be married, to have marital relations, or to have children. Those things may be true, however that is an insufficient understanding of celibacy. It would be similar to understanding marriage as the inability to marry many people because you are committing yourself to marrying one. Well, we don’t look at marriage that way. We see marriage in terms of gaining a special relationship. The same is true of celibacy. Celibacy is about gaining a relationship with one person, the person of Christ.
How important is prayer in your life?
Because we have chosen a way of life that says by its very nature that God is most important, prayer has a central role in our lives. Prayer is communication with the Lord whom we love – and is as necessary for us as communication is for any two persons who expect their relationship to continue. Can you imagine having a best friend (or spouse) to whom you never spoke?
Since prayer is so important, most priests set aside regular time for prayer each day; part of that time with others, at Mass and in common prayer; part alone, in reading and quiet contemplation. Probably the main benefit of prayer is that it makes us more sensitive to God’s activity in the people, events, and circumstances of daily life.
In prayer, we listen to Jesus as he encourages and challenges us. In prayer, we reveal to Christ the depth of our hearts. It is in this honest, intimate experience of prayer that we come to know God’s love for us. Without such intimacy with the Lord, we cannot serve his people. With a vibrant life of prayer, we find the strength to stay faithful to the commitments we have made.
What do you do if you fall in love?
It can happen. The basic responsibility in such a situation is to preserve the original existing commitment (to continue to live as a priest) and to do whatever is necessary to do that. The priest must decide to develop the relationship within the bounds and responsibilities to his commitment to celibacy. While such decisions are not always easy to make, they are by no means impossible and often leave the priest stronger in his vocation than before. In a sense, this is the same discipline that is required of married persons. It sometimes happens that a married person develops feelings for someone other than their spouse. In that situation, they too must make the choices that enable them to stay faithful to their original vows and live a life of honesty and commitment with their spouse.
Do you ever think about being married with children?
Yes, it’s only natural that at times priests consider the beauty of family life. However, we also recognize the beauty and happiness of our own lifestyle, and make a free choice to remain celibate. There are wonderful experiences and blessings that are unique to our calling, and these help us stay focused on the God who called us.
Ordination
What is ordination?
Ordination is the sacrament by which a man becomes a deacon, priest, or bishop and is enabled to minister in Christ's name and that of the Church. There are three ordinations in the Sacrament of Holy Orders: deaconate, priesthood, and Episcopal. The ordination ceremony includes a variety of rituals, rich in meaning and history, e.g., the prostration, laying on of hands, anointing of hands, giving of the chalice and paten, and sign of peace.
Fr. Edison Tayag lay prostrate before the altar during the Rite of Ordination (2008)
Who can ordain priests?
Only a bishop can ordain a priest because he shares in the ministry of Jesus passed down through the apostles.
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Father Bill Coffas imposes his hands
on the head of Father John Loncle during Loncle's ordination
to the priesthood (2005). |
Father John Loncle is ordained by
Bishop Matthew H. Clark (2005). |
Other
How might family and friends react to a decision to become a priest?
Most priests were fortunate to have families who encouraged them to do whatever made them happy in life. They supported their choices without pushing, but by asking probing questions that made them think more deeply about what they were choosing.
Friends’ reactions can vary a lot– from ridicule, to laying odds on how long you’ll stay, to refusal to talk about it, to quiet support, to high enthusiasm. Obviously, some of those negative reactions are hard to take from good friends whose opinions you value.
Try not to be discouraged by those who don’t understand your decision and be grateful for the friends and family who encourage you.
Can you recommend any good books for someone trying to discern a vocation?
There are many good books out there. Some recommendations are:
Extraordinary Lives by Francis P. Friedl and Rex Reynolds. In this book 34 different priests tell their stories and reflect on their lives as priests.
The Gift of Peace by Joseph Cardinal Bernardin. This whole book deals with his life as a priest and Cardinal and the grace of God he experienced through his ministry and illness.
Pope John Paul II was a very prolific writer. Many of his reflections may help you in your discernment of God’s will in your life.
Responding to God’s Love: understanding the discernment process – a small booklet by Charles S. Jackson, SJ. (available on line at www.nccv-vocations.org)
Vocations Anonymous: A handbook for adults discerning priesthood and religious life – by Sister Kathleen Bryant, RSC. (available on line at www.nccv-vocations.org)
Concerns Parents Have Regarding Their Sons and Priesthood
I just found out my son has been meeting with a priest for some time and is well along in his decision to enter seminary. Why didn’t he talk with me?
Try not to be offended or hurt that your son didn’t confide in you until now. When men are thinking about whether they have a calling to the priesthood, they often wish to keep things confidential from the people closest to them until they are ready to talk about it. Rest assured your son does need and want his parents’ support and encouragement – probably more than anybody’s.
We are not a very religious family and I’m just shocked that my son has expressed a desire to be a priest. Where did this come from?
Family traditions and expectations influence children in a variety of ways. The beliefs they develop from parents come to them sometimes in explicit lessons, sometimes in more subtle ways. Your beliefs and actions may have had an impact on your son far beyond what you expected or intended.
What if I feel that my son is not worthy of this calling?
This is a concern commonly expressed by men who are thinking about the priesthood. It is not necessary – and not possible – to have led a sin-free life. The priesthood requires certain skills and abilities but it’s not for the perfect – it’s for the person who desires to serve God and his people.
Priests are real people who at times struggle with their faith, their commitments and their abilities. The process of being in the seminary will help your son work with his gifts and weaknesses, and will help him to discern whether it is indeed the right path for him. The best thing you can do is encourage your child to be faithful to God’s call whatever that may be.
What if my son enters the seminary and it’s a mistake?
It is possible that your son could spend a short time or even a few years in seminary, and then decide it’s not for him. God’s will is that your child be happy, fulfilled and living a life that makes the most of his talents. There is nothing shameful about trying it out and then realizing it is not for him. The time spent is not wasted because your son will have grown to know himself, including his goals, values, strengths and potential, a great deal better. He will also have had the opportunity to grow in his spiritual life and love for Christ.
I’m worried that my son will be lonely living a celibate lifestyle.
Every human being has some lonely moments, whether he or she is married, single, priest or religious (brother or sister). Priests acknowledge their need for companionship and activity by enjoying friends, family and recreational pursuits. A celibate life can be a fulfilling life.
I feel like I’m losing my son.
If you have been accustomed to having your son close to you, you may feel his absence when he enters seminary. This is similar to any parent whose child leaves home to go to university – there is often a transition period during which the parent feels a sense of loss. Your son will be encouraged to maintain and develop family relationships while in seminary and after ordination.
Will I be able to see him while he’s in seminary?
Yes, you will be able to visit. Seminary life is much less restrictive today than it was a generation ago. Seminarians today have free weekends where they are able to return home and are encouraged to maintain relationships with family and friends.
How can I best support my son as he is making his decision?
Prayer will help. Listen without judging or criticizing and reassure your son that whether or not he decides the priesthood is for him, you will love and accept him. Don’t start treating your son differently, and be honest with him about your worries and concerns about a vocation. Ask your son whether he wants to keep his decision-making confidential from others for the time being, and reassure him that you will honor that if he does.
I’m sad because this means I’ll never be a grandparent.
This is a common response from parents, but in fact there are no guarantees you would be one even if your son had not entered the priesthood. In time, God will bless you in ways you may not understand now, through your son’s happiness.
